There are no normal expats in Laos! Too many NGOs, but no expats! ('Normal' because I did meet one but he was just not from our planet.)

I like expats. Hell, my dream is to eventually be one. For travelers they're an endless source of local knowledge... they've been everywhere & seen everything. They know the hidden gems & how to get there. They're exactly what a guidebook should be! In fact, why aren't guidebooks written by expats??? Plus... I know this isn't going to sound right... but for the female traveler, they're interesting company over a free meal.

I've never liked NGOs. I find them stuck-up... they think they know everything about the country & won't admit there's stuff they don't know. They're too young & idealistic to know they're not saving the place from certain utter doom... & might actually be hurting the place. I shouldn't be so hard on them... non-profits (like corporations & organized religion) are inherently evil... they morph these people into idiots.

Laos is filled with NGOs. FILLED!!! And they're all located in the capital. Yet none of the work is here. The hired locals do the work while the westerners apply for the permits. Everything requires a permit & each permit requires a bribe to help it slide thru. And there's lots & lots of wealthy government workers thanks to these great organizations!

I haven't left the capital yet because I found some entertaining NGOs. There's a brand new 8-story building filled with made for NGO executive suites... & this building parties every night. Although I'd rather not actually talk to them in the day, they're kind of fun at night.

Yes, my mother taught me lying is wrong. And the possible bad karma kind of scares me. But I've developed a whole string of lies I tell locals.

The first question they always ask is "Where are you from?" For ages, all around the world, I've lied & told shopkeepers I'm Canadian. That way I don't get ripped off as badly. If I say America, I can literally see the dollar signs in their eyes & here the cash register sound. Prices triple, I'm asked if I'll marry their brother or sponsor their sister to come work in my country. I am not my wallet!! Canadians just don't have the global reputation of having too much money & paying whatever amount quoted in countries where bargaining is the norm. Canada is much smaller & keeps a low profile.. it's movies, TV shows, music & celebrities are not in your face everywhere in the world. There are virtual no stereotypes of Canadians. Yes, I'm probably wimping out. But it makes things much easier for me.

However, lately I've been testing out some new countries. Saying I'm from India seems to be working well... they've heard of it, you can see the wheels turning but only half know enough about the place to know a blonde wouldn't be from their originally. And during moments of particular annoyance, I said I was from Bhutan, Greenland & yesterday I threw out "No Man's Land" - but burst out laughing seconds later.

(I love France & I do think Paris is one of the most romantic cities in the world. And if you say the French people are stuck up or you don't like Paris, then you've never been there!)

Making the whole place seem even more like Paris, there's a French/Laotian conference going on now so the city’s crowded with hundreds of French businessmen... & what girl doesn't love the flirty French men!

And the city itself has tons of amazing French restaurants plus every other international option such as a Spanish Tapas bar (one of my favorites!) & Australian steakhouse serving crocodile & ostrich.

And I've totally blown my budget in the quality shops here. Unlike countries with an export industry 3xs the size, the clothes here have an attention to detail normally only see in the better western shops.

But what really makes this seem like a little Paris is the imitation Arc De Triomphe which sits in the center of a huge boulevard lined with French style street lamps. The monument’s information placket is one of the funniest I've ever read... it actually calls the thing an unimpressive concrete monster!! Love the honesty! And this is good... the thing was built with concrete "donated" for a new airstrip by the US during it's secret war here... go ahead & call it an ugly concrete monster - I'll still say it was a better use of that concrete!

Where are the savages these days? Laos, one of the poorest countries in the world has no savages. I know, 'savages', not the right word... but is there similar modern one? Really, 'person' is probably the only safe word you could use to describe someone... Anyway, I know people are people anywhere you go.... but I'd really rather their culture be less like mine. I swear in my lifetime it wasn't always like this. 5 family villages now have satellite systems next to their bamboo huts. I know, I know, this is good for the people & all... but is it really? Is the Western stress-centric lifestyle so good or is it just my own selfishness that makes me long for the good 'ole days when they'd ask how long it takes to walk from America....

I was told Laos is a place you love or hate... while I don't hate it, I've flown through a third of the country in a week. It's the gorgeous scenery that makes this country... & it's seriously gorgeous!

First spent 3 days in a tiny boarder town. It was nice... probably stayed 2 days too long...

Then got on the infamous "slow boat" down the Mekong River. The scenery was fantastic... again, gorgeous country... but the boat was overloaded with those that wanted to party rather than kick back. Not the peaceful ride I was dreaming of... but nice nonetheless. Best of all, neither I nor any of my stuff went swimming while crossing the tiny wooden plank to the boat.

The boat stopped in the old capital Luang Prabang. Small town... barely more than 25,000 people. The entire country is pretty deserted. Only 20% of the people live in a city. It was such a small city only spent 2 days there... really, I breezed in & out because I lost my slow-moving travel groove. Spent the entire time on the boat talking with other tourists & then every second in the city with some of the people I'd met. Already on this trip I've met many fantastic tourists but this was the first time I'd spent days straight with tourists. When I spent 2 & 3 weeks in different cities I was on my own most days then meet up with them at night. That was perfect... all day & night was just too much.

From Luang Prabang I moved on to Vang Vieng, still with someone from the boat ride. There are places in the world that are known for their backpacker scene... this was one of them. Originally planned to go there for a dose of Westerners but being overloaded from the past several days I stayed long enough to sip a "happy shake", watch a few episodes of "The Family Guy" & leave the next morning.

I'm now in Vientiane, the world's smallest capital city. While I've been here only a day, it seems pretty perfect. I am a city girl... I feel at home around a little commotion... there's a huge festival this Friday so I'll stick around at least that long. Which will give me enough time to figure out how to be happily bored again....

I'm ready to leave Thailand. It was the perfect place to start this trip... modern but not completely Westernized... anything I forgot or discovered I needed was here (well almost everything... so who's coming to visit because I need a few things...)

So tomorrow I'm leaving Thailand. I should say being kicked out because my visa expires tomorrow. I was going to leave a few days ago but I figured I might as well use every day I paid for!

I've been looking across the Mekong into Laos for a week now & I'm excited to get there. So when I "leave" Thailand, I'll take a $1 taxi to the immigration check point, have my passport stamped that I've now left & step into a small boat for the 15 minutes ride to the other side of the river. Then I’ll pay to enter Laos. From this side, it looks nicer than where I am at but I know hot showers are rarer & there's no internet at all. So I'm guessing it's not.

After I'm "in", I'll find a hotel. I just found out that Laos is supposed to be more expensive than Thailand... I'm a little disappointed because I've finally gotten my expenses under the $15 range I want. Anyway, then I've got to find a boat to take me to the old Lao capital of Luang Prabang. The entire city is supposed to drip with old French colonial charm & its a World Heritage Site. And there’s no roads there... the river's the only way.

There's supposed to be a 'fast boat' that gets there in a day... but even though they give you a helmet to wear, people still regularly die on the way. I think I've ruled it out. So that leaves the 'slow boat' which takes 2 days. But I've been hearing rumors there's a 1 day slow boat... I'm going to leave for the boarder early tomorrow morning so I can try to find this mythical boat.... but I just bought a cushion in case I'm stuck sitting on the wooden seat for 2 days :)

Early last night while taking a very lovely, very leisurely stroll next to the Mekong 4 women having a picnic asked if I wanted a whiskey... wasn't really interested in the whiskey but they looked like a safe & fun bunch. Apart from being on the sidewalk it was picture perfect, with banana leaves laid down as a blanket & a full smorgasbord of different foods. As everyone does with a guest, they immediately started insisting I eat some of everything & have a shot of whiskey with each bite... I was uncomfortably buzzed in no time... the ladies spoke very little English & to translate they called friends who spoke English & probably to brag they were hanging with an American. When two Westerners walked by, I understood more about the bragging as I proudly sat up a little taller. :)

One of the big reasons people travel is to interact with locals. But that's really not easy. The faces in travel brochures are busy with their own lives... have you ever done more than give a tourist directions? The vast majority of interaction is with hotel owners, shop keepers & taxi drivers... all good people yes, but not a broad representation of the culture.

The locals that do interact with foreigners all have their reasons... hell, the majority of all human actions are motivated by self-interest. Number one reason I'd say is money, from handouts, sponsorship in that person's country or, more commonly, the possibility of marriage. Sex is probably high on the list too... in conservative countries Western women are the ones that aren't against premarital sex & there's a worldwide attraction to light skin & blonde hair. Next is probably social status from being associated with a Westerner & the opportunity to practice their English.

Traveling by yourself it is way easier to meet locals because the whole sex/marriage option looms large. Guys included. But for girls traveling alone, there's also a protection aspect that plays in... and I've always been very lucky to find women & families that want to, I label, adopt me by making sure I get where I'm going safely, understand the significance of what I'm looking at, am well-fed, etc. So I was extremely disappointed when I realized this nice group of women were lesbians trying to hit on me!!